School anxiety
Did you find your children dislike going to school? School is a place for learning. It also provides an environment for social growth and support. From the school your child is exposed to experiences new to him or her. Your child learns to develop self-esteem, opens to different opinions, understands and enjoys the feeling of achievement, establishes friendships and relationships with others.
To a seven-year-old, the formal rule-based institution called school is a completely new environment. Your child now finds himself or herself subjected to a set of rules. He or she has to put on uniform, interact with teachers and classmates, learn a certain subject at a certain prescribe time, eat and play at certain prescribed location and manner. Your child’s life has suddenly become regimental at school.
A major change in life routine is stressful even for adults. Most children quickly adapt to the new life-style and grow to like the positive aspects of schooling. However, not all children can adapt to school equally well. The children may find school intimidating and distressing and in some cases develop phobia for school. It is not unusual that physical symptoms such as diarrhea or headache may develop to prevent the child from attending school. It is known as emotionally-based school avoidance (EBSA) or anxiety-related absence. This is often referred to as ‘school refusal’, though many object to the implication that it’s a choice.
Reasons for Refusing School
- finding the work difficult, or problems with concentration
- finding school exhausting, especially if dealing with mental or physical health issues
- feeling pressure to get good results
- friendship difficulties
- experiencing or witnessing bullying
- feeling like they don’t ‘fit in’, aren’t accepted, supported or seen
- not getting on with teachers
- feeling pressured to learn in a particular way
- additional needs such as dyslexia or ADHD not being recognised
- feeling average or no good among high-achieving peers
School Anxiety Behaviours
- not wanting to get up and get ready
- being reluctant or refusing to go to school
- worrying excessively about small issues, such as having the right equipment for a lesson
- feeling sick or having stomach or headaches
- bed wetting
- not doing schoolwork, or grades dropping
- being angry or upset, or acting out – at school or home
- withdrawing – seeming low, quiet or depressed
- reluctance to return after a period of illness
- not going to school without you knowing
Helping Your Child to Cope with the Stress of Schooling
Ask your child what is worrying him or her: Focus on listening and providing emotional support. Reassure them that you can work together to make things better. If you’re not sure how to ask your child about school, take a look at our tips on how you can start a conversation with your child.
Think together about changes that could be made: These could be things at school or home that would help them to feel less worried. We include some strategies in the section below. Visit the GP if there may be an underlying physical or mental health issue that needs support.
Discuss coping strategies with your child: Identify activities that help them express and manage their anxiety. This could be spending time with particular friends, listening to music, reading, playing sport, drawing, cooking or watching a favourite film.
Set a daily routine: Planning everything from getting up and dressed, having breakfast and leaving the house to arriving at school can help create a sense of security and reduce stress. Prepare the night before, for instance checking timetable, packing bags and laying out clothes.
Give your child a “Worry Journal”: Your child can use a notebook to jot down worries, which can stop them from becoming overwhelming. Carrying something from home – such as a key ring or photo – may also reduce anxiety.
Reach out to the school as early as possible: This can help stop problems building up. Speak to the class teacher, tutor, or the Principal.
Consider counselling: The school may have a counsellor who can provide emotional support and help your child express and understand their feelings. If your school doesn’t have a counsellor, or your child would rather see someone outside school, our counselling and therapy guide lists other options.
In summary, children experiencing school phobia is usually a transient problem, if handled quickly and appropriately your child will blend in the school system like millions of other children have done.
